Opinion: My Son Was Restrained & Secluded at School. This Should Never Happen to Any Kid

There was a story recently out of New York state about young children with disabilities being forced into makeshift wooden solitary confinement cells. Many found this story shocking. Sadly, I was not surprised, because my family lived through a similar experience. 

In 2016, my 10-year-old neurodivergent son was physically restrained and secluded twice at his Maryland public school. Being physically restrained and dragged down a hallway by school staffers and left in a room all alone led to a lot of fear and anxiety for my son and our family. We decided to homeschool him for the next two years.

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In 2018, my son decided he wanted to go back to school to be with his friends. Though my family worked with staffers at his new school to ensure that what had happened at his previous school wouldn’t happen again, his excitement and our hopes soon turned to despair. 

During the first 15 days in his new school, my son was repeatedly restrained and secluded, despite strong state laws in Maryland limiting the use of restraint and seclusion to situations where a child’s behavior poses an imminent threat of serious physical harm. His fear and anxiety returned, and honestly, I was afraid to send him back.

A few days following the final incident, I made a simple promise to my son. I told him I would do everything I could to make sure this would not happen again to him, or to other kids like him.

That vow led me to start the Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint, a national nonprofit that works with families, educators and advocates across the country who have had similar experiences. The alliance is on a mission to inform changes in policy and practice that reduce and eliminate the use of punitive discipline and other outdated behavioral management approaches, and to disrupt the school-to-prison pipeline.

When I first started the alliance, my goal was to help families like mine know they were not alone and that they could drive change. In the first few months, I focused on my son’s school district, and in summer 2019, the school board voted to phase out seclusion and reduce the use of restraint.

Today, the alliance is a community of over 35,000 parents, self-advocates, advocates and professionals, including volunteers from 23 states, working together to create positive change. We have 21 affiliate groups and collaborate with many national and state organizations, focusing on legislation, education and support.”

In terms of legislation and policy, we work at the local, state and federal levels. We have collaborated with individual school districts to influence changes in policy and practice. In Vermont, for example, we partnered with the superintendent of a small school district to change its policy to prohibit seclusion and prone restraint. Over the subsequent four years, the district saw a 90.6% reduction in restraint use and a 100% decrease in seclusion.

We have met with lawmakers and provided written and oral testimony in support of efforts to create stronger laws in California, Colorado, Connecticut, Florida, Idaho, Illinois, Maine, Maryland, New Hampshire, Oregon, Texas, Utah and Washington. In my home state of Maryland, we helped draft and pass legislation in 2022 banning seclusion in all public schools.

That same year, I testified before the House Education and Labor Subcommittee on Early Childhood, Elementary and Secondary Education in support of federal legislation to end the use of seclusion and dangerous forms of restraint. While that effort was unsuccessful, we continue to meet with congressional offices to advocate for a federal law.

Today, much of our work is focused on education. We advocate for schools to move away from compliance-based methods that depend on rewards, consequences and coercion, and promote practices that emphasize safety, connection and student voice instead. 

We often present at conferences and events and provide guest lectures for university classes on topics related to reducing and eliminating restraint and seclusion. Over the last year, I have led more than two dozen in-person presentations and panels on restraint, seclusion and trauma-informed practices in Maryland, Missouri, Oregon, Kansas, New York, Georgia, Washington, D.C., as well as online sessions for audiences nationwide. Last year, we also hosted two virtual conferences that reached thousands of parents and educators from across the world.

Finally, we offer support and guidance to parents and professionals. Every week, we hear from families around the country who reach out for help when their child is experiencing restraint or seclusion. Educators frequently contact us for guidance about how to move their school or district away from these practices. These one-on-one conversations fuel a broader movement by equipping parents and educators with tools and strategies to make schools safer and more supportive for all.

The use of seclusion and restraint is a civil rights, human rights and disability rights issue. There are no federal laws governing the use of these practices in schools, but there should be. Recently, Congress reintroduced bipartisan legislation, the Keeping All Students Safe Act, to prohibit seclusion and dangerous forms of restraint and fund trauma-informed alternatives. Congress must pass this bill, and the president must sign it.

America’s schools can and must end seclusion, reduce restraint and improve outcomes for students, educators, families and communities.